Cool Cactus #13

Oh, life is bigger
It's bigger than you
And you are not me
The lengths that I will go to
The distance in your eyes

I was sick and tired of hearing this fucking priest trying to placate me. I understand it helps some victims, but I’m not one of them. Frankly, those dull platitudes just piss me off. “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” I was raped. There’s nothing very fucking mysterious about that. “God has a plan for us all.” Oh yeah? And what kind of crazy plan includes me being victimized? You know, rape isn’t even condemned in the Bible? Not mentioned in the Ten Commandments. Hell, Lot is praised for offering his virgin daughters to the mob in exchange for protecting two strangers, whom Lot believed to be angels.

So yeah, I’m not a big fan of this priest trying to comfort me. Hell, he’s probably diddled his share of little boys in his time, so him trying to explain to me why life isn’t over is almost laughable. I almost told him to tell it to his victims, but I bit my tongue. There was no need to be unnecessarily cruel. I mean, this guy was trying to help, useless though I found it.

I nodded along and pretended to listen, finally thanking him when he decided it was time to leave. Then, the police came in and took a description of the events and my attacker. After the hospital finished up my rape kit, the officers asked me down to the station to take a look at some mug shots. I climbed gingerly into the back of the police car and almost burst into tear-filled laughter when the radio came on and R.E.M. was playing. I shook silently, biting my tongue and when I finally got myself under control I hummed along with the lyrics.

That's me in the corner
That's me in the spotlight, I'm
Losing my religion
Trying to keep up with you
And I don't know if I can do it
Oh no, I've said too much
I haven't said enough