Classic Carnation #5
He didn't look like a genius, he looked more like my ex-boyfriend. Maybe that's what made him catch my eye initially. That or the fact that he looked like Jason Mraz: about 5'10", dark eyes, and a sideways trucker hat. Whatever the case, I recognized his face when we watched the security video.
A slow night. About par for the course on a Monday night. Fifteen minutes until close and with two customers in store, Phil, the cleaning guy, walks in. He's a nice man and says his "hello"s and "how are you"s to us all as he walks to the back room to prepare all of his cleaning supplies. I was helping a woman with a tear-stained face find The Notebook when I heard Phil from across the store.
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO DOES THIS? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE..."
"I'm so sorry about that ma'am. That's our cleaning man, sometimes he forgets we have customers. Here it is, is there anything else I can help you find?" Her face turned bright red like she was fighting back more tears. She shook her head no in reply, thanked me for my assistance, and walked away mumbling to herself. I turned in the direction of Phil's yelling when I saw him angrily marching toward me.
"You have got to come and see this. Have you been in the men's bathroom?"
"Not quite. Kinda off limits for me." I smiled, but he was in no mood.
"Go into the men's bathroom."
"I can't." I felt awkward having this conversation even with no customers around.
"Oh, I beg to differ. No one is going in there right now." He motioned for me to follow him and without much left to do for the evening, I did. We were still a good fifty feet from the bathroom when I began to notice what had happened. "Watch your step!" He warned as he took careful steps around what looked like muddy footprints.
"Ugh, I think I'm good. I can smell it from here."
"Oh no, wait until you see it." And he opened the door.
The rush of air from out the door ravaged a full assault on my nostrils and continued to my insides all the way down to my stomach. I peeked my head in and sure enough, there it was in the middle of the handicapped stall, like brownie batter in your swimming pool. "AWW GROSS!!" I yelled and ran off coughing, Phil laughing behind me.
Thanks to a slow evening, we finished closing relatively quickly and while Phil was finishing cleaning, my manager suggested watching the security video tapes. Unable to pinpoint the exact time the incident occurred, we rewound the tape until the footprints he'd left disappeared. We watched gray-scaled men scurry backwards in and then immediately back out of the bathroom while giggling about the events of the evening. "Stop stop stop!" I uttered as my manager hit pause.
"Too bad he's so cute." Ani said.
"No way! I saw this guy tonight! I helped him find Hitch and he made some campy joke about needing relationship advice. I wonder if that was before or after all this. I mean, he didn't smell. Oh well. Guess we should put him on the alert list."
"What would it say? 'Attention Employees: Be on the lookout for a customer who uses corny pick up lines. He's about 5'10", dark hair and eyes, last seen wearing a hat with mesh backing. Recently defecated in the handicapped stall in the men's restroom. If seen, please place an out of order sign on bathroom door. Thanks, Mgmt'?"
We laughed for the rest of the night, and despite his inappropriate behavior I couldn't help feeling sorry for the guy. And although the line was cheesy, I couldn't seem to get him out of my mind.
A slow night. About par for the course on a Monday night. Fifteen minutes until close and with two customers in store, Phil, the cleaning guy, walks in. He's a nice man and says his "hello"s and "how are you"s to us all as he walks to the back room to prepare all of his cleaning supplies. I was helping a woman with a tear-stained face find The Notebook when I heard Phil from across the store.
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO DOES THIS? SERIOUSLY, WHAT THE..."
"I'm so sorry about that ma'am. That's our cleaning man, sometimes he forgets we have customers. Here it is, is there anything else I can help you find?" Her face turned bright red like she was fighting back more tears. She shook her head no in reply, thanked me for my assistance, and walked away mumbling to herself. I turned in the direction of Phil's yelling when I saw him angrily marching toward me.
"You have got to come and see this. Have you been in the men's bathroom?"
"Not quite. Kinda off limits for me." I smiled, but he was in no mood.
"Go into the men's bathroom."
"I can't." I felt awkward having this conversation even with no customers around.
"Oh, I beg to differ. No one is going in there right now." He motioned for me to follow him and without much left to do for the evening, I did. We were still a good fifty feet from the bathroom when I began to notice what had happened. "Watch your step!" He warned as he took careful steps around what looked like muddy footprints.
"Ugh, I think I'm good. I can smell it from here."
"Oh no, wait until you see it." And he opened the door.
The rush of air from out the door ravaged a full assault on my nostrils and continued to my insides all the way down to my stomach. I peeked my head in and sure enough, there it was in the middle of the handicapped stall, like brownie batter in your swimming pool. "AWW GROSS!!" I yelled and ran off coughing, Phil laughing behind me.
Thanks to a slow evening, we finished closing relatively quickly and while Phil was finishing cleaning, my manager suggested watching the security video tapes. Unable to pinpoint the exact time the incident occurred, we rewound the tape until the footprints he'd left disappeared. We watched gray-scaled men scurry backwards in and then immediately back out of the bathroom while giggling about the events of the evening. "Stop stop stop!" I uttered as my manager hit pause.
"Too bad he's so cute." Ani said.
"No way! I saw this guy tonight! I helped him find Hitch and he made some campy joke about needing relationship advice. I wonder if that was before or after all this. I mean, he didn't smell. Oh well. Guess we should put him on the alert list."
"What would it say? 'Attention Employees: Be on the lookout for a customer who uses corny pick up lines. He's about 5'10", dark hair and eyes, last seen wearing a hat with mesh backing. Recently defecated in the handicapped stall in the men's restroom. If seen, please place an out of order sign on bathroom door. Thanks, Mgmt'?"
We laughed for the rest of the night, and despite his inappropriate behavior I couldn't help feeling sorry for the guy. And although the line was cheesy, I couldn't seem to get him out of my mind.
posted by Anonymous at 11:33 PM
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