Hip Hibiscus #2

In the Beginning there is the the scream, the absolute opposite of silence and solitude. A formulation of the word no, with one piercing sound; and yet it continues throughout our entire lives, only now instead of one sound we make many and start to form words: no, yes, love, hate, right, wrong. Words that identify our very being and grow to have such personal meaning to us that certain sounds extract like responses.

I was never young, even as a child

I stopped screaming way to early, or at least in the conventional sense. I always preferred the somewhat tangible quality of melody and abstract sound. The fluidity of it all drew me in and made me feel at home. At first it was classical music, the way the notes seemed to form a string of emotion from happy to sad to stressed to dreamy; I would just close my eyes and feel the notes play through my soul like an endless journey. This new language became my escape a way to express without words or feelings, but just sound, so primitive and untouched.

There's this one word, it's called comfort, It's the strangest, most dangerous place I could hide.

My scream was silenced, I lost track of the words and put all my heart in the music to hide. It wasn't until later in life I learned the value of melody mixed with words, i drew myself out of my comfort zone and into a whole new place of being. This place became the ultimate retreat through high school and college. At first my new fortress was immature, like anything in its infancy. I think i listened to bands like the Spice Girls and Brittany Spears one to many times, but there was no scream or expression to be found in the music, just a dead end street leading to the ghost town of nothingness and at the end i still felt empty and devoid of solitude.

All evidence has been buried, All tapes have been erased, But your footsteps give you away, So you're backtracking

The sound of the scream started to become louder within my soul, i needed something more to calm the stressed out animal within. I started to turn away from what my friends were listening to, towards something that helped me find solace in my emotions. Discovering bands like Radiohead made me thrust for more. I was able to internalize the melody to feel the music within while the words washed over me like waves from the ocean some gently lapping at the shore; others violent and huge in nature crashing down on the sand, and yet so peaceful.

You can't tell what the controls hide from the door that locks from the outside

I continued to go through various stages of evolution the scream inside me sharpened in volume and pitch. Bridging the gap of peace and madness, each song I listened to devoured me and made me new. In time my secret place became more portable, I was no longer confided to my house, the car, or even the bulky nature of a portable CD player, I now had the technology to take every song with me wherever i went, my own traveling soundtrack. I was no longer confined by my stress but rather set free by the presence of this place.

Airbag suffocates,You need a little space

I am here now, I am the scream. within the confines of this space I am as loud or as quiet as I want to be. I am beat and words, I am music. no longer in my infancy but still with room to grow. Peace and solitude resound with in me, allowing for life to continue and blossom.

I have seen you in the eyes of a hundred thousand other stranger faces. I have seen you in unlikely and unfamiliar places. I have seen you be reckless in matters of love. I have seen by degrees the boiling point come and go.