Cool Cactus #4

If you want something done right, you have to do it yourself. That’s why I’m here, dressed as a flight attendant, sitting in first class, sipping champagne. Because this sort of job you can’t trust to a henchman. Believe me, I’ve tried numerous times, and none of them were able to do the job.

I was on Tokyo Air flight 23 from L.A. to Tokyo and we had just crossed the halfway mark, the point of no return, when I did it. You see, this was no ordinary flight. Oh no. This flight housed one very special passenger, William Mitchell, a CIA agent who had thwarted my plans one too many times. Through a highly placed mole, I was able to locate Agent Mitchell as he was being deployed to Japan to look into some business interests I had there.

Now this was too good an opportunity to pass up. How many times had he slipped through my fingers? Well, this time, it wasn’t going to happen. No relying on some idiot underling, no complicated killing machine, no witty repartee (“I suppose you expect me to talk? No Mr. Bond, I expect you to die” and all that). Just me, him, a glass of orange juice and some digitalis. It’s wonderful stuff really. Quick acting, hard to trace, looks just like a heart attack.

So yes, I looked a little out of place, a man of my advancing years, dressed in the neat uniform of a flight attendant. But flight attendants are like many other people in servile tasks – they tend to blend in to the furniture. So no one really noticed me as I prepared the drinks. I was working first class, and most of those folks tend to be self-involved anyway. William never even looked up as he ordered his orange juice.

So now I listen to the nice doctor in 23C working frantically to try and revive him, knowing all the while that it’s hopeless, and that we’re at least 7 hours from landing, even in an emergency. It’s the little things like this that make life worth living. Mmm. This is good champagne. I’ll have to take an extra bottle with me when we land.