Racy Redwood #4

I need a drink. Badly. Yes, yes, I know, this isn’t the best time, or the best place.

It isn’t appropriate to drink while on the job for one.

And here I am, in my sparkling new Chief Stewardess uniform, sitting at the last row of the first class cabin, sipping champagne.

Drinking like I don’t give a damn what will happen to me.

Perhaps I really don’t dare to care what will happen to me. Maybe this is my way of running away from having to make a decision. So that a decision will be made for me perhaps?

Less than an hour to landing. And I just want to run away from everything.

I promised myself that I will make a decision by the time I come back from this flight. I thought my mind would be clear with some time away from Gregory and I would be able to decide.

To decide if I should carry on with the wedding.

To decide if I want to really marry Gregory Lee, yes, THE Gregory Lee, one of the most eligible bachelor in Asia. Born into a rich family, but enterprising to make his own millions with his own start-up company. As said in the many magazines and numerous newspaper coverage.

I still remember how we first met. At a cabin just like this. I was then just a Leading Stewardess. I have met many wealthy businessmen, of various ages, shapes and sizes, who would pass me their name cards and ask me to call them. But Gregory is different.

Oh dreamy dreamy Gregory.

Gregory has the most winsome and charming smile. A warm and sunny which reminds me of the Californian sun. And the way his eyes sparkle on when he smiles. Not like he actually need anything to enhance that handsome face and well-built frame. But his humility is what really sets him apart from the rest of them.

I still remember the first time we met. I could see from the corner of my eye that he was looking at my direction, but when I looked his way, he quickly looked down. Almost embarrassed. Certainly shy. I bet if not for his beautiful tan, his blush would be betrayed. Hmm.. how strange, why would a man like him blush? It was hilarious to say the least. But yet, it didn’t look like he was playing games. He never once tried to talk to me, other than the thank yous when I served his champagne.

But when I arrived home, I received a bouquet of red roses. Signed Gregory Lee.

And as they say, the rest is history.

I guess it’d be hard for any women to resist someone like Gregory. A good man with a good heart, a gentle soul, all encapsulated in a gorgeous body and handsome face. And he loves me. Loves me enough to give me almost anything I want.

When Gregory proposed with the 5 carat ring, I had said yes instantly. Who wouldn’t? He loves me, and treats me like a princess. And provides for me.

My girlfriends believe I really struck gold with Gregory. “What? And this rich, cute guy is only 32 years old?”

If I marry Gregory, I won’t have to work anymore, I don’t have to worry about providing for my sister anymore. Athena’s depression isn’t getting any better. It’s the eleventh time she tried to kill herself. Eleventh time this year.

I am so tired. So tired of worrying about Athena, so tired of trying to save up for her treatments. I have been taking care of my kid sister since Mom passed away when I was thirteen. It has been eighteen years of hard work. On my own, I can live very well as a Chief Stewardess. I am a rather simple girl with simple needs. All I want is to be happy. To have peace in my life.

But I am not sure I will be happy, or feel the peace in my heart if I go ahead and marry Gregory.

Because I don’t love Gregory back.

Don’t ask me why.

If I know, I won’t be here sipping champagne, trying to get myself fired. Maybe if I am fired, I will marry Gregory willingly, like everybody think I should. Or maybe I just want to drink till I passed out, so that I don’t have to face him at the airport.

I am certainly grateful to Gregory. And he is the most amazing, most loving man I have ever met. And there's no other men. But I know I am not in love with him.

What am I going to do?

We are supposed to go check out that castle Gregory has picked for the wedding later today. And I am supposed to send in my resignation letter to the company after this flight.

Gregory’s mum insist that no women from the Lee family should be working, Let alone a job like a stewardess. As if this is such a shameful job. And that I should quit at least a year before the wedding so that I have time to learn how to be a good wife. Apparently, there are lots to learn. Especially since I am born into the middle class and would not be familiar with things I need to be.

I feel like a bird in a cage. Unable to fly freely.

What an irony. Since I am an air stewardness for more than ten years, flying to many different cities.

But I have been a bird in a cage for years. With Athena being severely depressed, I haven’t been able to live my own life. Actually, it’s already a big miracle they haven’t sacked me from my job. I have had to cancel a few flights last minute because of "family emergencies”. Whatever time I have outside of work, it’s spent with Athena.

Gregory is such an angel. He understands and he never complains. Even if we had to take Athena together on our dates. Even if Athena acted up. So why can’t I love him?

Perhaps it’s the fear of being caged even further.

Gregory’s mum told me they would prefer that Athena is institutionalized, because “certainly that wouldn’t be good publicity for Gregory’s business”. I know she’s probably right. But how can I do this?

And what about my own life? When will I ever get to live my own life? Or should I just forget about it? Maybe that isn't something everybody gets to have.

The champagne’s pretty good I think. Hanging out with Gregory has taught me how to appreciate the finer things in life. Perhaps I am starting to get addicted to the good stuff. Perhaps I should just marry him. I can't be a free bird anyway, I may as well be one living in a more comfy cage.

So, why is my decision such a tough one?

I need more champagne. A lot more.